Bob G . Kisiki
Violent men are a problem, but some also face problems. For a man who is so sick he needs urgent attention (for which man beats a fellow adult, and that adult a woman, worse, his own woman), it is worse if the person he treats violently asks for more.
Forget those tribes we are told that for their women to prove that their men love them, they have to beat them up repeatedly.
I am talking about those women who are so callous in the skin, regardless of how much pounding she has taken from her abusive man; she will not relent in her insults or begging that he beats her some more.
A colleague keeps telling me about her auntie who had a violent man. Every excuse he got, he beat her up until she either bled from a broken finger, a gush on the elbow or a broken tooth. But did that drive the fear of death into her?
No! With blood pouring from the gap where the tooth once stood, she would peer at him through tears and lisp, ‘And you think you are a man! If you are a man, why have I lost only one tooth?
Answer me, you silly man, why is it that you can only make me lose one tooth?’ And being the monster he is, he would be upon her again, slapping, kicking and pounding, until she has the finger nail hanging precariously off her left thumb.
That is the one thing I will never understand about wives of abusive men. Yes, some will flee. Although I am all for the ‘for better AND for worse ‘cup’ in the marriage vows, who on earth receives one blow and her face contorted in pain, wait for another? Who?
The average person will receive one blow and run to safety, from whence they will assess the situation and come up with a solution.
The obdurate woman, however, is not like that. She will take the blow, scream so an audience comes over, then insult the man into a more violent rage enough to murder her.
Yes, such women do not scream for a crowd to come and drag the man away from her; they want a crowd that will watch how she is being beaten by ‘this beast’, but should the men in the crowd attempt to touch her man, do not be surprised if she turns around and hurls insults at them too.
One of the biggest hurdles advocates of safe marriages have to cross is women who either shield their abusers or provoke those men into beating them.
You sometimes get tempted to think that they have taken so many beatings; it is now a part of them that they cannot live without the beating.
Have you seen people (mostly men, but nowadays there are women who have perfected the ill) who drink so much they are ‘drunk’ when sober, and ‘sober’ and acting right only when they are zonked?
Well, some women are that way. When there is peace in the home, she is disturbed. So when the neighbours tell the LCs that Ssalongo Kisolo beats his wife day and night, and the LCs come to her rescue, she will retort, ‘Ask those carriers of vile rumours who told you, when he beats me.
Have you seen me complaining? Did I come to your home and say Mr. Defence, my man beats me?’