By Angella Kateemu
You are at your favourite bar (yes, most of us do hook up at the bar) and there is this guy you have had in your sight for a while. He sometimes gives you the eye and flirts a little, but that is as far as it goes. Are you supposed to wait for him to take his sweet time before he can man up and ask you out?
From time immemorial, women have sat and waited for the man to make the first move. Way back, our parents did the matchmaking for us – the girl did not have nothing to worry about provided she was brought up right or she came from a reputable family or she had the looks that got the whole village talking.
Times have changed, we do not have that luxury anymore. We were abandoned to the mercy of men. Irrespective of whether you drive your head into the wall to make your crash apparent, this guy has to make the first move. Are men intimidated by bold women?
Macho? My foot!
Single ladies (yes, ladies) are just too tired of sitting in the sidelines and looking pretty, while they wait for the guy they are crushing after to come get them. Stella says: “Not to brag, but I get lots of mail and text messages on a regular basis, but unfortunately, I am not interested in most of the men that contact me. But when I come by that guy that makes my stomach flip, I do respond or make a move and contact a man first.
They initially show interest, but then seem to bottle it when I suggest talking on the phone, meeting up or anything that is real and not just existing in cyberspace! I am assertive; I do not passively wait for men to make suggestions. I say what I mean and what I want. Is this intimidating for men? Do you prefer us to wait for you to make the suggestions?”
Martha adds; “I have been called a whore, wild card, uninhibited and all kinds of flowery names, simply because I go after a guy and ask him out if I like him. I do not see anything wrong in that and I really don’t see why society makes such a big deal out of it.”
Most ladies do not have Martha’s tough skin. They rather play coy, which is absurd, because they end up losing their potential boyfriends to ‘bad girls’ who will not sit there and wait to be picked.
Lucy says; “Guys were intimidated by me when I made the first move and they told me so. After a while, I decided to hint my way at a guy to make him make the first move. But guys are confusing; they say they would love the girl to make the first move, but they do not want to feel like the “woman” in the relationship.”
But that is not to say there are no guys who revel in being picked up by a woman. Peter says; “Since the beginning of the year, I have had a girl ask me out, another buy me a drink at a bar, and a female friend asking to take our friendship to the ‘next’ stage.
Before the beginning of the year, most of the girls who made the moves were indirect (her friends telling me, major hint dropping etc.) It is refreshing to find girls who know what they want and go for it. Hats off to all you ladies who take control of dating destiny!”
Is she flirting or is she serious?
There is no definitive answer to the “Is she flirting with me?” question. Women are individuals, who each have their unique way of attracting you, loving you or driving you totally insane. That is just what we do.
Women are as obvious as men are. All they want is the confidence to walk up to the guy and make the first move. But they do not want to be mistaken as wanting the confidence to walk up, just to get laid. So, if she is flirting, she likes you. But she just does not want to scare you off by boldly telling you, she wants you.
Women like to be seduced and still love the idea of a guy coming up to them and saying something amazing that they can go back and tell their friends.
That story is a little more interesting than, ‘Well, I was at the bar, went up to this guy and made conversation.’ I always respect women who are proactive. It would not be the worst “how did you two meet” story if you said, “Well, she told me it was just a one-night stand, but then I asked for her number and eight months later here we are!”
Weapons of mass seduction
Approaching a guy is no easy task. From finding the right first line to remaining calm under pressure (no sweaty palms!), it is a delicate balance of being assertive and alluring without coming off as a total loser. When it comes down to it, all women would make the first move if they had the guts to.
Many women would like to have the confidence to walk into a bar — alone and separate the guy she wants from his loud friends and make him fall in love with her. But what do they do? They dress pretty, smile pretty and all is lost on the guy that they are trying to hook up with! Go, tell him!