By Angella Kateemu
The debate of Mr. Right rages on silently in many a girl’s mind. Most of them will tell you they have not settled down yet because they are still waiting on the right man.
They have dumped countless boyfriends because “He is too short. Too fat. Too broke… he is not Mr. Right.” “Who is this Mr. Right?” You ask. He must be hot. Smart. Rich. Sweet. Likes children. Slender. Tall-ish…. the list of so many superficial traits goes on.
This is the ideal guy, in bullet points, and if some ladies cannot find someone who is able to check off every single quality, well then, they will keep waiting until their special men are born.
At the risk of sounding pessimistic, women who refuse to commit unless they find a man with whom they feel a deep, romantic love are consigning themselves to a lonely future. Is the bar for husband material set too high? Is Mr. Right just an illusion?
What if Mr. Right is actually ‘Mr. Right Now’?
We all have a type: tall, dark and handsome; or smart, successful and polished, that we are attracted to, and we call him our Mr. Right. Whatever combo it may be, we tend to have a particular kind of guy we are drawn to. It may not even be a physical look so much as it is the kind of guy they are.
But, what if our Mr. Right is really our Mr. Right Now and not necessarily the guy who will give us our happily ever after?
“I used to have a type–tall, slender with a soft disposition. They were loners too,” says Rebecca.
“I went through four of these. They were so similar in disposition, it was creepy. All this while, I was not finding my Mr. Right. Instead, I was spending my time and giving my emotions and heart to Mr. Right Now.”
Clearly, you cannot be sure about Mr. Right. They always feel like they are Mr. Right until you meet someone who makes you realise they were not right after all.
There is no such thing as perfect mate
The girl-meets-ideal-boy stories did not stop in Cinderella. Recent research shows that even married women are still waiting for their prince to come. He is hot! He is sensitive!
And he would never do something as average as binge drinking with his buddies. He is perfect: the kind of man that you envisioned ever since you were still the imaginative teenager.
Even if this person might be out there, what are the chances that you will connect on likes and dislikes. Before long you will realise you do not like the way he chews his food or that his voice grates on your ears or that he is humour-deaf. And then your Mr. Perfect will come crumbling down.
How many times have you been in a relationship with a guy, who you thought was the perfect man? How many times have you had to pick up the pieces of your hopes and dreams for the future you were “supposed” to have with this person?
Wake up from the fantasy, be real
Men are not the properly designed caricatures that you watch in the movies. They are sadly real. They will disappoint you, they will make mistakes; sometimes, they will even make you cry. That is because they are human.
So, wake up from the fantasy and find someone who loves you despite the shortcomings. Prince Charming, Mr. Right, Mr. Perfect that is a fantasy wanting to be in love is real.
Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough writes; “My dream, like that of my mother and her mother, was to fall in love, get married and live happily.
Of course, women loathe to admit it in this day and age, but ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she longs for in life, and she probably won’t tell you it’s a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely, she will say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child).
So, stop waiting for Prince Charming, get up and find him. The poor idiot maybe stuck in the tree or something.
Gottlieb blames feminism for the number of women who find themselves alone after spending years holding out for their white knight. To the outside world, says Gottlieb, these women still insist they are self-sufficient.
“But in reality, we are not fish who can do without a bicycle; we are women who want a traditional family,” she writes. “We are conditioned to crave that big love. It is painful how pervasive the fantasy is that ‘The One’ is out there.”
Find a good guy even if he does not fit the Mr. Right bill
Women have a belief that their Mr. Right is out there. So, even when they find an amazing man, but he does not tick off well on her list of Mr. Right, they think getting married to him is settling. When he does not make your insides swoon, you think, you are settling.
If he is some sort of loner and you are an aggressive partier, you think he is all wrong for you.
You are convinced he is not the one. But have you stopped to wonder how you will know when this Mr. Right you conjured up in your mind will look like or be when and if they do come along?
What do you have to say about this debate? Do you think the Mr-Right concept is only a fantasy? Or have you (if you are a lady) defied such odds and landed on your Mr. Right and so think it's not merely fantasy?