EDITOR: In  the past, family relations were so strongly cemented that some of us grew knowing that all who came to our homes were relatives. Family friendships were respected , groomed and nurtured. Parents were very instrumental in marriage proposals of their children and all worked to see their children get married in families they knew as friends.

Children were encouraged to mingle as family friends in order to develop critical skills  like communication, conflict resolution, forgiveness  and the inner ability to say sorry to the people they have hurt. These are critical skills for living that cannot be found in school. Today we are seeing men who have no male friends at all. You could say to yourself, "I do not need friends any way.

I have a good job to build a career , a wife for intimacy, a family to give me a sense of destiny and purpose". You are right, except great men will tell you that these things, while rewarding, rather call for energy spending than contribute to our lives. Our wives, careers and families require things from us as in care, our strength and performance. A man needs to have a friend with whom he can unload his inner thoughts, gain encouragement and interact.

Many men have made their work an imaginary friend. We make our  career a replacement for friends and we persist in cultivating this imaginary relationship with our jobs. Some men are in the habit of carrying coffee pots to work , try to dominate all office meetings and activities so that they are seen as loyal.

But in an attempt to become the employee of the month make sure you are not sucked into a compulsive type -- a person who tries to get more from work than what is assigned to him. These men are devastated when something goes wrong at work. They are not just financially challenged by income loss, they become emotionally ruined because they were having a human relationship with an imaginary friend, and they suddenly realize that companies are not people and cannot offer the soul support and emotional balance that only real friends can give. Parents should encourage their children to get good friends and build family friendships as was in the past.

Percy Mulamba

Kampala