I was in my sitting room when I heard someone shout: “You people! Emesse!” This means rat in Luganda and my spontaneous reaction was to grab my tools of violence and approach the battle field.
But, apparently, it was not a rat. It was a song on TV with such a headline and the herald of Emesse was only calling upon her siblings to hurry and watch it.
In the video, the wife (I assume) is waking up her husband (I assume) to kill a rat that had invaded the room. She hopes the false alarm will wake him up enough for her to seduce him into the domestic duties on the rota.
Apparently, it is a common trick by horny wives Vs sleepy husbands. It must have worked for one innovative woman, who shared it with another probably at the well and, that way, it spread to become a text book prescription for MPs who sleep in Parliament.
The rat approach is actually as old as Homo Habilis, the first man on the African continent, innovated by his wife whenever he was playing too tired to plough.
Mrs. Homo Habilis used to stay home tending the children at the cave, generally saving her calories for the night marathon. And often, Mr. Homo Habilis returned from the strenuous hunting expeditions so exhausted and fell off to sleep. Mrs had to find an appropriate way to cause an interruption to Mr’s sleep without offending him.
That was when the rat scare came in.
If children snored on after the rat scare, it meant they were too asleep to create an audience for the impending fireworks. Wives who failed to innovate thus risked missing out on the marital fruit because the polygamous partner moved on to the next cave the next day.
That was 2.3 million years ago. And you are still using rats as bait? You need to be innovative. And the fewer words you use in communicating readiness for action the better.
Get new strategies because, with the advent of tiled houses, the Emesse call might create disgust instead of arousal. For example, if your partner loves sleeping in a night dress and that particular night, they dive into the bed nude, there is no need to table the rodent motion.
In marriage, the sumbusa does not test the same every day. There are days when it excels and days when it is the second team playing.
Married people know that when you need first team performance, you can lobby using classical conditioning.
This is a psychological manipulation of an indirect object to cause a desired response. If, say, you declare that a particular dress is your favourite and every time your wife wears it on, you put up first team performance, she will notice the connection.
Soon, every time she is in the mood for premier quality time, she will wear it and you will w what is expected. Or you will quickly whisper an apology that, this time, your back will not measure up.
Therefore, go, look around and get yourselves signals so that you minimise verbal demands of sex.
The more the romantic agenda can flow without words, the greater the spiritual communication and the closer you will get.