By Frank Isabirye
Awoman I spoke to but preferred anonymity, let out one of the most agonising experiences any newly wedded woman would die to avoid. Having gotten her born-again prince charming to pop the big question, they tied the knot and off they went for their honeymoon.
Having done her homework, she draped herself in tantalising lingerie, pulled a provocative pose that left nothing to the imagination, should her sweetheart walk into the bedroom. But her world was left in tatters when he walked in, pulled out his bible, knelt down and beckoned her: “Honey, come over and let us pray!”
“Indeed, church boys are ‘slow!’ Really, really slow!” she remarked in a bitter and emphatic tone after she was done telling her tale.
This is probably not the first time you are hearing this proclamation. Esther, a church girl insists: “Not that I am biased or under any kind of duress, but the church boys are really clueless when it comes to love.
They do not know what to do, they cannot read a girl’s body language, they are not thoughtful or inventive when it comes to how to treat girls; things that boys out there, the gangsters in the world are so good at. However, harsh it may seem, it is the truth. Church dudes are slow!”
And Esther only echoes the sentiments of hundreds of girls.
However, you cannot deny the fact that all and sundry expect to see a stark contrast between Church boys and the worldly ones, throwing the boys between a rock and a hard place. If you are supposed to be different from the worldly guys, how are you expected to go up to a girl and whisper sweet nothings in her ear? Will he not be accused of ‘stumbling a sister’?
Eunice Karungi argues: “The church boys are not and have never been slow. It is just that they are caught between a rock and a hard place. They have to live up to the ideal church boy picture that society has painted for them — morally upright, do not indulge in illicit relationships, stay true and pure sexually untill marriage and so on. While at the same time, the church girl expects them to walk up to them and express how they feel about them.”
Karungi strikes home the vital point that the church boys are walking a tight rope to pull off a miraculous balancing act to meet both the societal and church girls’ expectations.
“The church boys are weighed down by both these expectations. As a matter of fact, the societal expectations slow them down such that they appear “slow,” adds Eunice.
She emphasises that girls should cut the boys some slack.
A thought Esther doesn’t share. “Even we church girls are as feminine and sensitive as those girls out there. Just like the girls out there, we need to be taken out, we feel good when we are given flowers, we want to date and have a good time and we love to have a boyfriend on whose shoulder we can cry on. And it is up to the church brothers to make this come to pass. Because we prefer them to the boys out there who may force us into doing sinful things.”
A point well-made, but the problem comes with where to draw the line once the church boy and church girl hit it off.
To which Esther answers: “Of course, as two Christian adults in a relationship, we cannot go to extremes that may seem normal with boys and girls out there, like having sex.
Church boys need to understand that we can engage in meaningful relationships that are devoid of sexual immorality. They need to come out of their shells by walking up to us and expressing how they feel about us because we are waiting for them to.”
Nonetheless, some girls do believe that church boys are, in fact, sharp when it comes to love and relationships, but only cover up under the guise of being ideal Church boys.
Gorreti Atuhairwe says: “Church boys are not slow because if they were, they wouldn’t be having girlfriends out of Church. There is a time for everything, while in church they put on a show that they are so holy. But while out of Church, they are so good at relationship things, dating and confusing girls.
The reason they appear like they are slow to the Church girls is because when they are in Church, they switch to Church mode.”
Now before you rubbish Atuhairwe’s observation, think again because she has the full backing of a guy. Justus Egessa says: “I don’t think it is true that church boys are slow.
Individual personality is a major factor in determining how people relate. The idea that Church boys are slow is revolved on the fact that the environment in which they are, does not allow them to openly declare their feelings and as a result, whatever they do is done in the dark for fear of how the world will perceive them. Otherwise, many of them just pretend so they can fit in the Church. Most of them are really sharp.”