By Caroline Ariba
Let’s face it — does anyone out there still say what they mean? Is the truth that bitter, or are we that fragile? True, sometimes it is easier to just tell people what they want to hear. But hey, it gets too much at some point.
You probably remember those moments where you agreed to certain things just to shut someone up, yet inwardly you are saying no to whatever is coming out of their mouth.
Folks, this is not to say go out there and be rude — no, we do not want to be the reason you might have to get your face replaced… Just say what you mean.
Most times, it will not make you a favourite of many, but you will avoid being a hypocrite, which you have been for a long time. Want to protest? Check out the instances below and if you still want to protest after reading, write in and trash me.
Music videos origin of lies
Yes, I know beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, blah… blah… blah. But have you watched a music video where the guy is praising this chic and you are simply puzzled as to whether it is the same brood in the video, or you are seeing a different picture?
Okay, do you remember one of Jose Chameleone’s biggest songs, Dorotiya? Well, you all saw the Dorotiya in that video, didn’t you? Tell me that Dorotiya chic was small and slender and I will send you packing back to Masaka!
But the Chameleone brother went on and on about how small and slender Dorotiya was. And this Dorotiya babe, who was anything but small and slender, rolled her yes in acceptance.
For me, every time I stumble upon this video, I want to beat up everyone who took part in making it, Chameleone inclusive. What were they thinking? Really, small slender Daniela might have worked, not “Small, slender Doro…” Hell no!
How do I look?
I dare you to ask yourneighbour how you look. I can assure you their response will be in the affi rmative. No one will tell you the outfi t you are donning is simply hideous and that you look like a bag of stones. Or that the hairstyle you just changed makes you look like a garden of stunted maize.
Instead, they will exclaim, “You look ravishing, baby girl!” Hmmnn... That explains why I have run into strange looking babes rolling their eyes at fellow chics… someone must have told them they look hot!
Many guys will argue that to tell a woman she doesn’t look good would be poking oneself in the eye! Well, have this in mind fellaz, when your buddies out there see her, it’s not just her they laugh at, you get the giant laugh too. Oh, and for the ladies, the one who tells the truth is deemed bitchy, even a hater.
Imagine attending a wedding where the bride arrives with layers of make-up, looking like she is going to get circumcised, Bugisu style. And then everyone turns around and goes like, “Wow!” Yet what they really meant to say is, “girlfriend, were you among the clowns in Coco Finger’s Party Animal video?”
The burial lies
I know that we shouldn’t wish death for anyone, but there are people who die and we are all thinking, phew! Again, I dare you to say that out loud. The guy might have been a thief, a liar, even a rapist or might have terrorised the whole village. But on his burial, he will be praised to the extent that you might find yourself wondering if you are at the right burial. “This Kony rebel was the coolest person ever if you knew him well.” Really?
While still on the subject, any orphans out there? I bet you have been cuddled and promised heaven on earth on the day they lay your parents to rest. “We shall support the orphans!” They will all exclaim amid cheers and nodes of respect from mourners. Hahaha, if you believe this lie, then the joke is on you! All these guys really mean to say is that, “When are they serving the food, we need to feast and get the hell out of here!”
Do you think I have talent?
You have listened to our so-called talented lot, yeah? Honestly guys, to call a spade a spade, many of these talents make you want to put a finger right through your throat! TV and radio stations are flooded with songs, which sound like the artiste was choking on a locust, or some kind of seed!
But can you blame these artistes? They have been told that their voice is a blessing to mankind. When they ask friends if they can sing, they are told, “You have a voice so silky, it will make a wailing baby smile in their sleep.”
The same musicians visit a radio station to be interviewed and you hear a reputable deejay telling the joker chap about his or her cool voice. Really? Okay, yeah, I get that we don’t want to be rude, but surely, the response should be something like, “love, try talking coz singing just aint for you.”
Now, that was severe, but it saves a lot, doesn’t it? You guys are the reason our airwaves are jammed with sickening sound! I hate you!
Are you in a relationship that makes you so miserable that you have contemplated walking into a knife? Then why is it that when your brood asks if anything is wrong, you go, “Nothing baby, I have never been happier! Everything is good love, I am
just a bit busy, my phone fell, I was robbed…and so on and on.”
What you meant to say was that he or she sucks, you are unhappy, you don’t like where things are and you want out, right then. And there you went lying. So the day you decide you have had enough, poor chick or guy has no clue. And out of the blue, you send a text, “I think we need a break!”
Seriously, one day you are making him or her think the sun rises and sets in his/ her eyes and the next you are tossing him/her out like popcorn atop a furious fire.
I know it’s tough, but really guys, a heartbreak is easier accepted if you can see it coming. So how about saying what you mean, huh?
I am coming right now
You recognise that line, huh? To count the number of times we have been planted at a certain spot by a person claiming to be “just around the corner” would be suicide. I mean, even babies have screamed for their mothers to come feed them only to get a loving response, “I am coming, booboo… mama is coming!”
I was in this taxi around Mukono and this brother picks up a call and goes, “I am just approaching the Jinja Road traffic lights. You said you are at Shell? I can see you. Give me a moment and I will be with you.” Really? Not even once did the guy bat an eyelid yet he was over 20km away.
Poor guy waiting at Shell must have looked like a broker wooing people into the next Wandegeya taxi by the time we reached the Jinja Road traffi c lights.
The least he could have done was ask the guy to grab a soda as he waited instead of that annoying around-the-corner gibberish. But what can I say? It seems to be the only way people do things today. Until someone does that to you, you will never know how immensely annoying it is!
“Keep your phone on,we shall call you back” is what you will most likely be told after a job interview. Yet, what they really mean to say is “get out of our offi ces, there is no chance in hell we shall give you the job.”
Of course, I don’t expect anyone to say the exact words, but how about just telling me that I didn’t get the job and I should try elsewhere. This, folks, will save many from all the time spent staring at the phone in anticipation of that one magic call.
Whilst still on the subject, these corporate promotions chaps, aarrggh! You walk to a promotions offi ce seeking sponsorship for an event and they will smile and ask you to write a proposal. Even when they don’t think they will be spending a dime on you, they will lead you on. They will look you in the eye and say: “I am going to discuss this with my team and let you know.” Well,that is mostly code for, “Don’t hold your breath.”
In their defence, they rumble on and on about protocol this… my boss that! How about saying, “Sorry, we won’t be sponsoring the event, our budget is tight.”
Some money, please
People will never accept that they are broke and that they don’t expect to sniff dimes anytime soon! So, instead they will take you for a ride, claiming the ATM swallowed their card, the mobile money network is off, their keys are lost blah, bla, bla… Now wouldn’t it just be nice to say you don’t have money and don’t think you will be getting it anytime soon?