By Susan Muyiyi

If there is a special man in your life, you obviously can’t wait for the treat he has in store for you. Some men will go out of their way to dine with their wives, buy a gift and be nice. A bit of peer pressure? Today is Valentine’s Day. Lovers all over the world will be celebrating.

The adamant man might think he doesn’t need a day whose origin he doesn’t know to dictate how he treats his wife. 

Rose would like her husband to hold her hand in public, especially at church when they are late for the service. “That would show that he cares for me and that the valentine gift is not just a formality society has bestowed upon him.” 

On the other hand, Jessica says although her husband mechanically works around the clock to make Valentine’s Day special, with a routine meal at a hotel, he seems emotionally detached most of the time.  “He is either too busy reading for an exam or thinking of ways of supporting the family financially,” she says. 

Steven Langa, the director of Family Life Network, and Denis Odoi, a relationship counsellor with World Vision, agree that African men and romance don’t mix easily. 

“A number of cultures prohibit men from showing affection. It is not considered a manly thing,” Langa notes.

But some men Her Vision spoke to mentioned that they feel their romantic efforts are not appreciated.

While this may be true, Odoi mentions the importance of communication in any relationship.
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our anniversary, her birthday, when she has a new baby, Mother’s Day, saying you are sorry and surprise treats are great opportunities to express your love.

Every woman wants to be heard. Be available and give her full attention. 

Odoi explains that men should understand that women need to know that their husbands think highly of them. He urges husbands to appreciate the things women do.

“Commend her new hair style, or dress. Take her out on a date. Women love to be kissed and hugged. Hold your wife’s hand in public,” Odoi explains.

For the women, have realistic expectations. If Jane’s husband bought her a harrier last Valentine’s day, don’t demand for one if what he can afford is an older model of a starlet.

What about consistently giving him the romantic treatment that you one day dream he will offer. Read material that relates to your situation, attend marriage retreats and get involved in a social network of people in relationships.

Let this Valentine’s be the spark that ignites a healthy, romantic and passionate relationship.