By Maureen Nakatudde

Some parents can talk to their children about anything, but when it comes to sex, they shy away, yet there is need to talk to them about sex. 

It is unfortunate that some parents do not know that their children have already been exposed to information on sex from newspapers, television, the Internet and their peers. So, what they really need is direction and guidance from their parents and guardians.

Ketty Nandi, the assistant superintendent of the Family Unit at the Central Police Station in Kampala, says today children are exposed to sex because of the prevailing circumstances. “Some children who sleep in same rooms with their parents hear everything that their parents do at night.

Later, in the parents’ absence, they practise what they heard or saw. They do not stop at that but also teach their peers at school,” she notes.

Breaking the ice

If you are aloof with your children, it will be difficult to talk to them about sex. Patrick Ndyanabo, a counsellor, says parents should first cultivate friendship with their children.

“This should not be a one-time event, but ongoing. After becoming friends, you will find that children are free to share whatever they want with you,” he says.

After winning them over,  choose an appropriate time and place where you can talk about the issue.  This can be at home, while taking a walk, at the beach or while dining out. The essence of this is to have as much time as possible. 

Ndyanabo also advises that the meeting place should be secluded, to give children the freedom to ask any question they want. And when they have asked the questions, you should not dig around it, but delve into it.

Remember, if you do not give them an answer, someone else will do it for you and will feed them on wrong information. 

“It takes a lot of courage for some children to ask questions about sex. So, you should  commend their attitude before answering their question,” Ndyanabo adds.

Questions children ask

If a child asks: “What is sex?” Ndyanabo advises parents to answer this question depending on the age of the child, and to be careful about giving the details. For a shy parent, he advises: “Never shy away from those questions because you are the right person to answer them.”

For a young child, one you can say ‘sex is a relationship between a man and a woman, and for the older ones, tell them sex is an activity carried out by two married people mainly for procreation. If you engage in it early, it can have dire consequences.”

Another common question is: “What is a condom?” To the young ones, Ndyanabo advises that you can say it is used by men in the prevention of diseases, while  for the older ones you can mention  the latter and also stress the prevention of pregnancies.

“Where do babies come from?”  Ndyanabo says for a Christian family, it is best you mention that children are a gift from God. But some people would rather say tell the truth that children are got out of love between their parents. As they grow older, Ndyanabo says you can build on their knowledge.

To break the ice, you can watch a romantic movie with your children or give them a romantic book.  Since you are watching other people’s stories, it gives you room to judge and critique them without hurting yourself. Ask your child what he or she would have done.

This will not only give them something to contemplate about, but also to learn from. 

Overall, when talking about sex, you should not taint its image. Some parents tell their children that sex is evil and when they grow up, they cannot relate normally with their partners. Dominique  Mucunguzi, a teacher and a parent, says it is best to say sex is God’s gift to married people. 

At this time, Ndyanabo says you should ask the child his or her aspirations and goals. Tell them that if they engage in sex at an early age, they will not be able fulfill them. Tell them about other negative consequences of sex such as HIV/AIDS and pregnancy. 

For the adolescents who are battling with strong sexual urges, Ndyanabo recommends teaching them self-control. Encourage them to behave rationally, instead of emotionally. 

What about contraceptives? A child may be sexually active, but he or she will not tell you, so talking to them about contraceptives will help them rule out unwanted pregnancies. 

Rachael Mukwaya, a counsellor, says while abstinence is excellent, it is also a very good thing to teach grown up children about contraceptives.

“When you introduce your child to contraceptives, tell them how they can prevent pregnancy, but not HIV. Tell them that abstinence is the best, but if they find themselves in a tight situation, they can opt for a contraceptives.”