By Siima Sabiti
A friend of mine has been complaining bitterly about the World Cup, saying that it is just another football event that is going to eat into her quality time with her man.
I was not in the mood to argue with her, so I kept my thoughts to myself. Besides, I happen to be one of the few women who is VERY excited about the World Cup (I have my England jersey ready!) so I did my best to nod sympathetically and look like I was paying attention.
I do not understand such people, though. Those who think that every waking minute of their lives should be spent squeezed in a tight corner with the object of their affections. Yes, it is important to spend as much time with your loved one as possible. But what happened to having a life? Hobbies and pursuits of your own?
I shall use myself as an example. My beloved is a huge basketball fan. I would much rather watch paint dry than watch a basketball game. Does that mean I am going to huff and puff and talk the ears off my friends just because he wants to watch the game? I do not think so. I shall promptly take myself off to meet the girls and enjoy a cocktail or three for however long the game lasts.
I think my dude is actually lucky to have a girl like me who loves football, understands the offside rule and thankfully supports the same teams he does — a happy accident, by the way. It was one of the first questions I asked when we met. If he was an Arsenal fan, I am not sure if we would still be together. But I digress…). I am here to do my fellow girls a favour, since I have the unique advantage of sometimes being a girly-girl, but understanding the love for football.
A Croatian female fan is lifted by her guy friend as their celebrate their victory over Spain. PHOTO/AFP
So to all my ladies bemoaning the advent of quite possibly the only sporting event that whips the entire world into a frenzy (apart from the Olympics, of course), here is Siima’s guide to surviving the World Cup as a girly-girl:
Find the sexy in football: Not the game, silly. The PLAYERS! Google is your friend. If you are forced to sit and watch Brazil take on Croatia, Google image the players from both countries and you never know, you might just find a footie hottie to keep your mind off the game. Just do not let your man notice you squirming next to him on the couch.
Wear his football jersey, and nothing else: Chances are, he has the home and away jersey. Grab whichever one he is not wearing at that time, and slink around the living room while he is watching the game.
NB: Probably best to do this only if his friends ARE NOT over to watch the game with him. Bring him a beer, a sandwich, pouting all the while. At least you will manage to hold his attention for a bit. Use your imagination. Bend over to hand him the remote -you get the picture.
Ask him questions but NOT during the game: Nothing makes a man feel superior and needed like his girl asking him to explain what is going on. Look up at him from under your eyelashes and say: “Babe, what’s the offside rule about?” You could suggestively lick your lips at the same time. Just go with the flow. But do not, I repeat, DO NOT ask him anything during the game. That is just annoying.
Enthusiasm is key: Cheer when he does. Sulk when he does. Bring him food and drink. That kind of thing. It might be a bit annoying, but trust me, there are rewards.
Get a life: Yes, I said it. We may all want to be with shibooboo 24/7, but let’s be realistic. If the thought of sitting in front of a screen for 90 minutes watching 22 men kick a ball into a net drives you crazy, find something else to do. Go swimming. Read a book. Write your Sunday Vision article, if you have one. But do not sit there and moan and try to distract him, because you will only end up looking like the annoying, clingy girlfriend that I am going to write about next week.
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World Cup survival kit for girls