School sweethearts: Why the end is often bitter

Dec 07, 2010

RELATIONSHIPS among students should not be allowed, there is time for everything. While at school, it is time for academics. If one engages in other things, they are bound to fail,” says Allan Obbo, a teacher at Seeta High School, Mukono.

By Doreen Murungi and Angela Ndagano

RELATIONSHIPS among students should not be allowed, there is time for everything. While at school, it is time for academics. If one engages in other things, they are bound to fail,” says Allan Obbo, a teacher at Seeta High School, Mukono.

Although Obbo is against teen relationships, he agrees that whether they stop them, children still get involved. It is therefore better to concentrate on guiding the students.

Robert Wejuli, the head teacher of St. Lawrence Cream Land Campus, says it is important for schools to guide children on relationships before they reach the higher classes, “Schools should not wait for children to reach higher classes to talk to them about relationships; it should start in Senior One.”

He says using real life examples is the best way to guide students. “If you tell students about stories of fellow students who have dropped out of school because of such relationships, they will realise they are actually better off without the relationship.”

Most parents view teenage relationships as a channel through which their children are forced to have sex leading to early pregnancies and HIV and AIDS.

Impact of relationships on academic performance.
Education experts say teen relationships affect the students’ performance negatively.

“Relationships involve a lot of emotions. Once a student is in love, they cannot concentrate in class,” says Gaston Byamugisha, a counselling psychologist at Kyambogo University.

Students who are involved in relationships according to Byamugisha tend to spend more time caring about what the other partner thinks about them instead of academics.

Ruth Mutoya, a psychologist, echoes a similar view. She says relationships take up a lot of mental energy since students in relationships spend a lot of time fantasising.

“The motivator for their performance goes down as they shift attention to making the relationships work,” Mutoya

“Relationships disorganise students in class,” says Peter Sendawula, a teacher at St. Mary’s Kitende. He adds that it is worse for students who are weak in class.

Why students resort to extreme measures when disappointed
According to Byamugisha, the way a child handles a breakup has a lot do with their personality.

“If a child is short tempered and easily angered, they are likely to turn to extreme measures like suicide. It is important that every parent understands their child’s personality,” Byamugisha advises.

He notes that if a boy or girl is dumped in front of her peers, the effect will be deeper because it involves damaging self esteem.

Hilda Nabatta, a parent, says girls are more prone to depression and pressures of relationships and are bound to do crazy things when disappointed.

Jacob Omara, a counsellor, says children are interested in pleasing adults and are good at hiding their pain. They go to great lengths to deny or minimise their distress, leaving even the parents in the dark about their true feelings and experiences.

Mutoya urges parents to look out for the various stress indicators. “A child under stress is likely to have abnormal sleeping patterns, poor appetite and you will notice self negligence.” She adds that some children will turn to alcohol and drug abuse.

She says if your usually calm child all of a sudden becomes violent, then know that something wrong.

Managing stress
Byamugisha advises parents to prepare children for the frustration in life. This helps the child handle a breakup easily. “Sometimes we set high expectations for our children and since we expect too much from them, they in turn expect too much in life.”

Rehema Mulekezi a psychologist, warns parents who do not listen to their children. “If your child tells you that she is stressed, believe her. Even if what she is saying does not make sense, do not offer a solution too quickly. Sometimes an empathetic parent is all that a stressed-out child needs,” Mulekezi says.

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