Relationships- Why do people cheat?
Oct 08, 2009
A distressed husband wrote in to a radio station recently complaining about his wife of three years. He said they used to have the most amazing sex when they were dating. She always made the effort to look great and smell wonderful but since they got marr
By Carol Kezaabu
A distressed husband wrote in to a radio station recently complaining about his wife of three years. He said they used to have the most amazing sex when they were dating. She always made the effort to look great and smell wonderful but since they got married, his wife is like a shadow of her former self and he cannot recognise the woman he married.
“She stopped working after she gave birth and now stays home all day in her night gown without taking a shower or even bothering to look presentable. I come home to find her watching TV and the child has been left to the housemaid. Sex is unpleasant because she doesn’t bother to clean up,†he said.
Peter says: “Women need to try and maintain the image of what first attracted a man to them.†If he ensures that he remains fit and good-looking, his wife should make the same effort.
Phyllis gave birth not more than a month ago, but she has already hit the gym and is striving to get back into shape. She says women become complacent and make up excuses about how they look.
But she does not want to give her husband any reason to look aside because if she looks great, he will not be tempted to look elsewhere.
Michael says men also want to be supported, appreciated and loved.
“A woman should care for me and pay attention to me. If she doesn’t make time for me, I’ll find another woman who is more than happy to give me that attention. Most often, women force men into cheating because they do not make an effort at maintaining the relationship.â€
Why do people cheat?
This is one of those questions that have been asked over and again and still the answers are varied. The assumption is that by the time someone is in a relationship means he or she loves this person and is supposedly committed to them.
So why the transgression when you know it will hurt them and probably end the relationship? For most women, cheating is unthinkable although some do it, but the average woman will never cheat on a partner, while the average man has cheated or will cheat on their partner.
In Steve Harvey’s new bestseller Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, he explains why men cheat. To put it plainly and simple, he says men cheat because they can. “For a lot of you (women) the act of intercourse is emotional — an act of love.
By contrast, when it comes to men and sex, neither emotions nor meaning necessarily enter the equation. It is easy for a man to have sex, go home, wash it off with soap and water and act like it never happened.â€
Jeremy says for men, sex can be without any sentimental attachment and they can walk back to the woman they love.
For women, sex is about surrendering their most intimate self. Even women who claim to have friends with benefits, eventually start to develop real feelings for these men and want commitment. Can women ever accept this reasoning?
Unfortunately, many women seem to have accepted that because you often hear women say that as long as they do not know what is happening, it cannot hurt them.
Or that as long as he comes back to her, all is good. And men continue to get away with this vice as the consequences get graver.
Harvey says: “…the woman who used to wear and do little things to keep it hot and spicy isn’t interested in doing that little thing she did when the two of them first got together.
In fact the sex has become uninspired…what’s back at the house has become routine. This man is missing the spark that used to be there.†But the biggest reason is because there is always a woman out there willing to cheat with him.
Some men will cheat once and the guilt of what they have done will make them stop.
Others will stop when they feel that you are doing your part in holding the relationship together. But there are those men who like to live on the edge; the thrill of cheating is addictive and they are always looking to fulfil that urge.
The secrecy, newness and danger of an affair is what they live for, always wondering when and if they will be caught and once that affair is over, it is on to the next one.
Harvey says if you let a man know that you will tolerate a lot of things, but cheating is not one of them, then he is really clear on the fact that if he steps out of the union, he stays out of the union. And if he steps out, you have to be willing to let him go.
A COUNSELLOR’S TAKE ON CHEATING
Adyeri Kateba, a counsellor and ssenga, says women often create an atmosphere in the home that makes their men stay away and while he is out there, he will meet other women that do not nag or shout at him.
If the first thing your man hears from you when he walks through the door is complaints and insults, he will keep away from the home longer.
Do not keep grudges for days and weeks such that the home is filled with tension and grumbling. It is your role to diffuse any arguments so that you work out your differences. Couples also need to be innovative in order to keep the relationship spicy.
Kateba says couples should make compromises and learn to enjoy the same hobbies.
If he loves football, you should pick interest so that you can watch with him, otherwise every time you send him out to watch a match in the bar because you want to watch ‘Salvador’, he will meet other women who love football.
As they cheer and share drinks and swap stories, a bond is created and you cannot prevent what will eventually happen.
A distressed husband wrote in to a radio station recently complaining about his wife of three years. He said they used to have the most amazing sex when they were dating. She always made the effort to look great and smell wonderful but since they got married, his wife is like a shadow of her former self and he cannot recognise the woman he married.
“She stopped working after she gave birth and now stays home all day in her night gown without taking a shower or even bothering to look presentable. I come home to find her watching TV and the child has been left to the housemaid. Sex is unpleasant because she doesn’t bother to clean up,†he said.
Peter says: “Women need to try and maintain the image of what first attracted a man to them.†If he ensures that he remains fit and good-looking, his wife should make the same effort.
Phyllis gave birth not more than a month ago, but she has already hit the gym and is striving to get back into shape. She says women become complacent and make up excuses about how they look.
But she does not want to give her husband any reason to look aside because if she looks great, he will not be tempted to look elsewhere.
Michael says men also want to be supported, appreciated and loved.
“A woman should care for me and pay attention to me. If she doesn’t make time for me, I’ll find another woman who is more than happy to give me that attention. Most often, women force men into cheating because they do not make an effort at maintaining the relationship.â€
Why do people cheat?
This is one of those questions that have been asked over and again and still the answers are varied. The assumption is that by the time someone is in a relationship means he or she loves this person and is supposedly committed to them.
So why the transgression when you know it will hurt them and probably end the relationship? For most women, cheating is unthinkable although some do it, but the average woman will never cheat on a partner, while the average man has cheated or will cheat on their partner.
In Steve Harvey’s new bestseller Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, he explains why men cheat. To put it plainly and simple, he says men cheat because they can. “For a lot of you (women) the act of intercourse is emotional — an act of love.
By contrast, when it comes to men and sex, neither emotions nor meaning necessarily enter the equation. It is easy for a man to have sex, go home, wash it off with soap and water and act like it never happened.â€
Jeremy says for men, sex can be without any sentimental attachment and they can walk back to the woman they love.
For women, sex is about surrendering their most intimate self. Even women who claim to have friends with benefits, eventually start to develop real feelings for these men and want commitment. Can women ever accept this reasoning?
Unfortunately, many women seem to have accepted that because you often hear women say that as long as they do not know what is happening, it cannot hurt them.
Or that as long as he comes back to her, all is good. And men continue to get away with this vice as the consequences get graver.
Harvey says: “…the woman who used to wear and do little things to keep it hot and spicy isn’t interested in doing that little thing she did when the two of them first got together.
In fact the sex has become uninspired…what’s back at the house has become routine. This man is missing the spark that used to be there.†But the biggest reason is because there is always a woman out there willing to cheat with him.
Some men will cheat once and the guilt of what they have done will make them stop.
Others will stop when they feel that you are doing your part in holding the relationship together. But there are those men who like to live on the edge; the thrill of cheating is addictive and they are always looking to fulfil that urge.
The secrecy, newness and danger of an affair is what they live for, always wondering when and if they will be caught and once that affair is over, it is on to the next one.
Harvey says if you let a man know that you will tolerate a lot of things, but cheating is not one of them, then he is really clear on the fact that if he steps out of the union, he stays out of the union. And if he steps out, you have to be willing to let him go.
A COUNSELLOR’S TAKE ON CHEATING
Adyeri Kateba, a counsellor and ssenga, says women often create an atmosphere in the home that makes their men stay away and while he is out there, he will meet other women that do not nag or shout at him.
If the first thing your man hears from you when he walks through the door is complaints and insults, he will keep away from the home longer.
Do not keep grudges for days and weeks such that the home is filled with tension and grumbling. It is your role to diffuse any arguments so that you work out your differences. Couples also need to be innovative in order to keep the relationship spicy.
Kateba says couples should make compromises and learn to enjoy the same hobbies.
If he loves football, you should pick interest so that you can watch with him, otherwise every time you send him out to watch a match in the bar because you want to watch ‘Salvador’, he will meet other women who love football.
As they cheer and share drinks and swap stories, a bond is created and you cannot prevent what will eventually happen.