The golden side of school fees problems

May 16, 2007

EVERY now and then, some visionary individuals come up with a concept that is so original and so innovative that your immediate reaction is: “Those individuals must have taken a respectable amount of Uganda Waragi.”

EVERY now and then, some visionary individuals come up with a concept that is so original and so innovative that your immediate reaction is: “Those individuals must have taken a respectable amount of Uganda Waragi.”

Take for example this colleague, who came up with a good side of a stressful school fees season. It made me want to kick myself for not thinking of it first. But lately, I have no money to buy beer. You know how brilliant I can be after three cold Bell Lagers.

Many parents struggle to keep wrinkles off their faces around this school fees time except one, Kasule. He is all smiles and it has nothing to do with CHOGM.

He has only operationalised a home-grown solution to a pre-mature ejaculation problem and, according to him, his wife has even increased her prayer time in appreciation for what she calls a divine miracle.

That is because she does not know the trick and is thanking the wrong person. Kasule has been searching for a solution to his uncontrollable excitement.

Whenever he would slope down Namirembe Road, he would run berserk and forget where the break pedal is, only to arrive in the city in seconds, even before his passengers could enjoy the ride. Then he would fall to pieces and fail to drive up there again!

Do you know Namirembe hill? It is a rise in Kampala from where motorists slope down into the city with engines in an idling position. If you do not have breaks, you just come crushing down like a thunderbolt on a thirsty wife who prefers a long lasting drizzle to brief storms. That was Kasule’s problem.

We discussed the problem on mail and I gave him a few doses of remedy. I told him to look out for the slope and once he begins to feel the glide is beginning, he should get his mind off the steering to mind-engaging equations like (my favourite) Pythagoras theorem or reconstruct the economics Cobweb theory. By the time he is through with it, the vehicle will be in control.

It did not work. He feared to tell me that the blackboards he saw never offered any illumination on Greeks or spiders. Thus his problem continued till recently when he was able to walk eight kilometres like Museveni in an effort to fight hunger in the world.

It started naturally when the very act of driving reminded him of children, and children called to mind school fees. That set him through thoughts of the fees dilemma; where to borrow money, what item to sell and how to plead with school authorities.

All this occurred during his active driving and by the time he was through with which lie to tell the headmaster, the passengers were pleading with him to arrive in the city centre, something he has taken ages to hear. They had enjoyed the ride!

So, you see, the school fees problem has a golden side too. You can try it if it will improve your ratings. The trick is to take your mind off the proceeding.

When Kibirige Sebunya did not, he failed to walk eight miles and arrived at Kololo on the tail of other walkers like a chameleon. His boss Museveni, who must have walked with his mind distracted by his late trustworthy aide, the victory in Kamuli and the impending campaign stress in Mukono and Bugweri, arrived at Kololo after one-and-a half hours. Be a wise man; turn your misfortune into a strategic tool.

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