Ask us: She is very possessive

Apr 14, 2006

Dear aunt,<br>I am aged 21 and my girlfriend is aged 20. We are both second-year university students. The only problem I have with her is she is too possessive. She monitors my movements while we are on campus all the time. She even looks through my phone book to see the phone numbers I have. I fee

Dear aunt,
I am aged 21 and my girlfriend is aged 20. We are both second-year university students. The only problem I have with her is she is too possessive. She monitors my movements while we are on campus all the time. She even looks through my phone book to see the phone numbers I have. I feel very uncomfortable with this and I feel like ending the relationship. She threatens to deal with any girl who intrudes into my life. In spite of this, I still love her. What can I do?
Willy –– Nakulabye

Answer
Dear Willy,
Possessiveness is a silent killer that plagues many relationships. It is often rooted in feelings of insecurity coupled with low self-esteem. Looking through your phone book might be an indication that your girlfriend suspects you could be having another affair. Does she feel threatened in any way? Have you discussed with her how you feel about her behaviour? Threatening to deal with any potential competitors might be a sign that she does not believe in herself hence fears to lose you. Frustrated as you might feel, this problem is rooted in your girlfriend’s mind and she needs help to build her self-esteem. Do you ever let her know that you love her and that she is so special to you? Reassurance and mutual accountability could help to ward off suspicions.

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