Bitterness strains the heart

May 03, 2005

FORGIVE your enemies, but never forget their names, former US president John F Kennedy once said. Some people never forgive. They hold grudges even with the dead!

By Wagwau Jamesa

FORGIVE your enemies, but never forget their names, former US president John F Kennedy once said. Some people never forgive. They hold grudges even with the dead!

But grappling with negative emotions and piling up anger for years could spur health problems.
Counselling psychologists say forgiveness occurs at decisional and emotional levels.

A decision where an individual resolves not to seek revenge against an offender is followed by emotional forgiveness where an individual replaces negative emotions (resentment, bitterness, anger and hatred) with positive emotions.

You do not necessarily have to invite the offender back to your life. What is wrong is still wrong. Simply allow yourself to release all negative emotions associated with that person.

It is possible for a person to forgive at decisional level, but still hold emotional grudges against the offender. There is a fine line of distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation.

Reconciliation takes place between two people –– exclusively interpersonal, while forgiveness is an emotional turnaround that takes place within an individual.

Prof Everett Worthington, the chairman of Psychology Department at Virginia Commonwealth University, USA has carried out extensive research on the theory of forgiveness.

His research revealed that non-forgiving people have higher levels of cortisol, a hormone released from adrenal glands in response to stress. High stress hormones lead to heart attack, coronary heart disease, ulcers and colitis if present for a long time. High stress hormones also have a negative effect on the human immune system.

Experts emphasise that discussing what hurts you, especially with the person who has offended you, is an essential avenue for therapy. Talking enables an individual to release negative emotions through open-heart therapy.

“Forgiveness is possible, but it is neither healthy nor realistic to forget. We need to learn from our experiences and we cannot do so if we forget,” says Dr Margaret Mungherera, a psychiatrist. She adds that it is difficult to forgive unless you have allowed yourself to fully feel the pain caused to you. Talking about your negative feelings like hatred and anger should follow this feeling.

Bitterness is a load that weighs too heavily on the heart but it is interesting to note how many of us enjoy carrying it along. It is like pouring hot coals on your bosom.

Pastor Martin Sempa of Makerere Community Church calls it a cancer.
“Bitterness makes an individual vulnerable to psychosomatic trauma, spiritual oppression and brings old age closer,” says Sempa.

Raymond Lloyd Richmond in his book, A Guide To Psychology And Its Practice, says the bitterness of a grudge works like ‘a neutral poison’ that doesn’t hurt anyone but you. Seeking revenge depletes your strength and prevents your inner wounds from healing.

In March 2002, Prevention Magazine released the results of a forgiveness study at Hope College, Michigan state, USA. In the study, 71 people were tested for blood pressure and stress levels.

They were then asked to think about people who had insulted or hurt them. They had to imagine either holding a grudge or forgiving the offenders.

The study revealed that people who forgive had a lower blood pressure, felt calmer and were more in control. Non-people who forgive exhibited higher stress levels accompanied by feelings of anger and sadness.

The Biblical recommendation of forgiving seventy times seven times is a very good therapy. To borrow the words of Christian Science Monitor magazine, please forgive and your health won’t forget.

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