MY friend landed into big trouble for assaulting a traffic policeman. But he insists it was worth it. The cop was trying to embarrass him in front of his girlfriend and that was an act of war.
Another gave his office female colleagues a lift home and thereafter had to park his car on the street and walk back home. He did not have enough fuel in his car or money in his pocket. But he still resisted the urge to say no to the girls.
I have ever caught myself driving across town, in serious jam, to run some chic’s errand, something I may not do for my own relative.
But that is what being male is all about. We have an automatic chivalry switch that snaps us into action whenever some nice chic shows vulnerability, whenever our manhood is challenged and whenever there is an opportunity to impress some woman, including strangers. That is why I humbly contend that this world is ruled by women, who make us (men) believe we are in control, only to press the buttons that make us react the way we do.
In other words, I do not really understand Women’s Day! Is there a day that is not for women?Everyday! Every single minute! Every minute second, men are working for, thinking about and denying themselves fun for the sake of women. From the celibates, who make it a life-long vow to stay away from women sexually, to the womanisers who forget where their brake pedal is, women are one constant factor in the root cause of men’s conscious and subconscious mind.
It is because of women that many wars have been fought, fraud and corruption cannot cease, lies have become part of the description of a smart guy and a good life cannot be full, unless there is a woman. I ask the men; how many beautiful dreams have you had and how many of those did not have women in them? None!
Ask Christians what happened to Adam in Eden before Eve showed up, what happened to Samson, the great giant of Israel, David, the warrior of God, Solomon, the wise one, Ahab, Hosea, ... when beautiful women graced the scene, these men’s brains melted into pulp! Yet these are venerated saints of God in heaven! Christianity also teaches that God Almighty had all powers and options to save mankind but he went for that specific option that would get Him involved with a woman!
In espionage, pretty women are lethal in decoding cryptic puzzles; in marketing, attractive women can break sales where all else has failed; in journalism, a cover picture of a beautiful woman can add several copies to the sales; in movies, interviews, CHOGM, campaigns, name it!
We may wish this world moved in a professional, orderly and logical way. It actually used to till Adam complained to God about loneliness. Then a woman was created and that marked the end of male freedom: She soon ordered him around the tree of wisdom and showed him what nakedness meant. God was embarrassed, of course, but it was too late!
For while men need women as an inspiration to work hard, be smart, wise, humorous and struggle for favourable positions on the male hierarchy, women need children. The difference is that they can control children but we cannot control women. And do not be deceived by the tyrannical husbands, violent partners or male- dominated leadership, behind every warrior that you see, there is a woman who presses just one button once.
I always imagine that, God bless me, even the warriors who scare us; from the generals who visit Bududa with guns to the judges whose word is final — there is that hour when the sun has gone down, when some woman makes them mourn and hand over their power in sexual insanity.
Look at the church of God! Pastors who bark at and scare the devil; when some woman lays her thigh bare, they melt. They look at the balance sheet: on the credit side is their reputation, morals, possessions and everything, but on the debit side is sex and fleeting fun. They scratch their heads, pray for wisdom, clear their throats and choose the woman!
And if you did not know, we men, who have no day, will not clamour for it because we know that things to do with men receive little mass appeal.
That is why Amarura Family always dress as women and the Movement is always winning elections. Isn’t that great, women? But, I must add, if I was given a choice to be born again as a woman, I would decline it. I prefer being led, manipulated and used! As long as there is sex at the end of the day.
But that is a story for another day.