By Timothy Bukumunhe

JUST how many ministers do we have, for early this week yet another minister we had never heard of, crept out of the wood works brandishing what I can only call a crazy idea — that all bars be closed by 10:00pm once the amended enguli (liquor) Act is passed into law!

The utterance came from the state minister for industry and technology, Simon Lokodo, who got just about everything wrong except that there is indeed a need for a law that regulates what times bars can sell drinks.

One thing about Ugandans that Lokodo may not have observed is that we take a very dim view of anybody who tries to sabotage or interfere with what we do after office hours.

After office hours is our time, our time to let our hair down and go grab a beer. We like to drink our beer in places that we find conducive and not in places that are stipulated by the Government.

We like to unwind and let off the week’s stress by partying till the wee hours of the morning.

There are many people who do not like to drink in hotels as has been suggested by Lokodo. Further, he has to understand that many more people drink their beer in bufunda (makeshift bars) and most times those places happen to be in one’s neighbourhood.

Before he made these utterances, Lokodo should have consulted me; I would have taken him out on a night on the town to show him how beer prices vary between hotels and bufunda and why people prefer the latter.

The bufunda also employ a vast army of men and women whose educational and social standing do not permit them to feel free in hotels or better places.

Lokodo, did you know that a beer at Serena, Speke Resort Munyonyo and Sheraton hotels costs around sh6,000 in comparison to bufunda which sell theirs at sh2,500?

Maybe your ministerial salary affords you the luxury of drinking beer at sh6,000, but that price for a beer is a tight call.

Half the people who work downtown have probably never stepped in a hotel and cannot afford a drink at sh6,000. The sh6,000 they would pay for a beer in a hotel would probably last them an entire week’s drinking in a local bar where they would part with sh100.

Lokodo cites artiste Bebe Cool’s recent incident when he was shot and injured by a Police officer at Centenary Park, arguing that: “Drinking in open places for long hours has been causing violence in the city. This will be solved.”

Dude, there are many bufunda that operate in the city and for long hours, and not a single fight has broken out. When did you last go to a kafunda?
In fact, when Lokodo talks of violence, it is not us the wanainchi (ordinary people) who fight.

Rather, it is the people of higher social standing who, after getting drunk, pull out their pistols to assure us of their importance.

Then they do not want to observe the regulations of the bar because they are ‘important people’; they even fight when their bodyguards try to put them into their cars to be driven home — or is to the next kafunda? Lokodo should get his cabinet members in line before he starts branding us irresponsible.

Then upcountry there is that man who has spent the whole day toiling for peanuts on a farm that is probably owned by somebody in government.

When the day comes to a close and after hours of abuse by the owner of the farm as to how useless he is, he gets to his bar at 7:30pm and there is Lokodo telling him he only has half-an-hour of drinking time left!

Obviously I can imagine what is going to happen next. He is going to walk back to his shamba, get a panga out and start doing some chopping.

If Lokodo wants to introduce a drinking bill, he first has to define what the difference is between a bar and a kafunda. For example, is a shop that sells groceries but has a bench by the doors where customers can wait for their shopping a bar or a kafunda?

But while I do welcome a law against drinking, like everything that is proposed by the minister, it is bound to fail because they will have no way of enforcing it. If I recall, 15 or so years ago, Kampala City Council tried to do the same thing and nothing happened.

But good luck to you Lokodo in passing the bill and if you are reading this and you are up for it, the beers are on me tonight, seeing that it is a Friday.

I will also take you to places where you can see your fellow ministers and legislators who are going to pass the bill being a nuisance and pulling out their pistols.

But we shall use your car seeing you have a driver — you know there are Police breathalyser roadblocks these days.

WHAT TIME DO BARS CLOSE ELSEWHERE?
The US: 2:00am (with the exception of a few states like Las Vegas, New York City and Miami)
Mexico: Never
Canada: 2:00am
Brazil: Never
Argentina: Never
United Kingdom: 11:00pm (pubs), 5:00am (clubs)
Australia: 5:00am
Italy: Never
Russia: Never
Belgium: Never
Dominican Republic: 2:00am
Norway: 3:00am
Vietnam: Midnight
India: 2:00am
China: Never
Afghanistan: Midnight
Iraq: No bars
Chile: Never
Thailand: Never
Compiled by Timothy Bukumnhe

For feedback, write to weekend@newvision.co.ug or sms: Type weekend (space) your comment (space) and send to 8338. (Valid for Zain, utl, Warid and MTN ubscribers)