SIR — Why do people believe that hurting children will help them behave better? It is good the Ministry of Education has banned caning in schools. Stephen Nakonya’s article published on September 1, raises an important point about the use of corporal punishment. He argues that corporal punishment has its place and that in his case, saved him from a potentially criminal life.
My intention is not to discount Nakonya’s experience but to begin a dialogue that asks how we have come to believe that hurting children will teach them to behave better. beating anyone does not help them grow to their full potential.
People cannot develop to their full potential if their basic physical needs for food, shelter and health are not met. Similarly, it has also been established that it is not possible to fully develop psychologically if our basic psychological needs are not fulfiled, including the need to:
belong to the group we find ourselves part of,
be accepted by people who matter to us the most,
feel emotionally and physically secure and
to feel respected by our peers. These are the primary motivators behind all behaviour or ‘misbehaviour’.
Everything we do is dependent on trying to fulfil one of these psychological needs. Does it require a huge intellectual effort to see that a child who is ‘noisy’ or ‘disrespectful’ in class is doing so because he or she doesn’t feel that they belong in that group? Shouldn’t the adult be reaching out to help the child belong in that group rather than humiliate them and therefore causing further marginalisation?
Or what about a child who will not do what he is directed to do, will not answer your questions and generally try to frustrate you. Could it be that that child feels that he is not respected by anyone and is only demonstrating what he is feeling inside, in the hope that the adult might understand his language and help him?
We could continue along this line with every ‘misbehaviour’ we encounter. The point is that children ‘misbehave’ because they do not know how else to have their legitimate developmental needs fulfiled. If we truly care and want our children to develop to their full potential, we should be helping them find more constructive ways of fulfiling their needs rather than humiliating them and shaming them.
It stands to reason that although beating may achieve the short-term goal of compliance (in the sense that the child might shut up, or do what they are told) in the long-term, it sets them back because they will never develop to their full potential if their basic psychological needs remain unfulfilled.
Positive discipline emerges from a relationship that the child has with the adult, one in which the child feels belongs and is accepted, one in which he feels secure and respected. It comes from role-modelling positive behaviour.
Beating does exactly the opposite. I do not want to start pointing fingers or begin the blame-game. I know that sometimes it is hard to maintain perspective in the grip of intense frustration.
But that is when we need to be most aware that we are beating this person not because of what they have done, but because we can get away with it. Our violence towards children has been legitimised by the society around us. We would never dream of reacting in a similar way if it was another adult, particularly if that adult had more power than us.
Dipak Naker
dipak.naker@raisingvoices.org
